Lamentation of the Moon and Stars
by Tabbi-Katt
Summary: To the crickets in the faroff field, to the moon and stars in the sky, to the sun that rises behind you but in front of me, to anyone that's ever been hurt and, of course, to you, I say...


Disclaimers: I do not own the characters of Tsubasa Chronicles, they belong to the talented team of the CLAMP, and the lyrics mentioned in this story are from the song Rebirthing sung by Skillet. None of these things belong to me in any shape or form.

A side note: Since music can really help get people in the mood, or at least it can for me, here's what I refer to as 'The Lament Playlist'. It's a list of songs that helped inspire this story, and can also help 'set the stage'. The songs are:

Gomenasai by TATU/ Wish You Were Here by Nightwish/ Sound the Bugle by Bryan Adams/ Hills of Myst by Within Temptation/ Sober by Kelly Clarkson/ Hello and My Immortal by Evanescence/ I'm With You by Avril Lavigne/ Breathe No More by Amy Lee/ Look After You by The Fray

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

-- Tabby-Katt

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Lamentation of the Moon and Stars

Tell me when I'm gonna live again

Tell me when I'm going to breathe you in

_Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside_

_Tell me when I'm going to feel whole_

_**Tell me when I'm gonna live again**_

_**Tell me when this fear will end**_

_**Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside**_

_**Tell me when I'll feel alive**_

It's quiet here. I have to admit that I'm surprised, considering I once thought this was a warring country. The atmosphere here is very peaceful. No, I have to correct myself. It's just quiet. Nothing has been 'very peaceful' for a long time.

Everyone else is asleep so I open the door as silently as I can. It slides open smoothly. I close it behind me just as quietly as before and walk out into the night. I've wanted to talk to you for a while but I want it to be only the two of us so I can't risk waking anyone up.

It's nice here, on this night. You'd like it, I'm sure. I think it's a sort of summer season here because even when the sun goes down it's still warm. There are no clouds tonight so the full moon shines brightly. And there are stars everywhere. You wouldn't believe how many stars there are.

I stop walking when I see you. You haven't moved since we brought you here but there's something that seems different at night. Wrapped in garments of silk and suspended in the branches of a tree, you look very much like a legendary spirit. Which, in a way, I guess you sort of are right now.

I look around for a place to sit, but there aren't any seats or benches out here, so I just sit on the ground. I don't mind, really.

For a while, sitting is all I can do. I can't think of anything to say. There's so much that needs to be said that I can't organize it all. So, for a moment, I just think.

I start to look back on all the moments we shared. I never realized how much time we spent together. I remember back in the country of Jade— I let you borrow my coat then, I was worried that you might get cold— and you played that card game. Every single hand you played won! And you were so cute, all worried that you might be playing wrong. That was when we had to make up a lie about writing a book and I told everyone you were my little sister. We kind of grew into the part, didn't we? Even long after we left Jade behind us. I laugh at the memory of our party at the Cat's Eye café. Well, to tell the truth, it's a little fuzzy, but I do remember the next morning. I was certainly worse for wear, to say the least, but you were perfectly fine. Downright cheery, in fact. Then there was the time in La Court when we were looking for a picture of what the book of memories looked like and you insisted on drawing it. But you became so aggravated on how it just wasn't turning out right and exclaimed that you should be able to draw it since it's a picture of your own feather. Even mad you always had a knack to cheer someone up.

Where did all these happy moments go?

The first thing I say to you is "I'm sorry," but I want to take it back almost as soon as I say it. I know you wouldn't want me talking like that. 'Make sure the one person you value most is yourself.' That's one of the last things you said to me before…

The image of blood floods my mind and I have to shake my head vigorously to distill it. I sit back and focus all my attention on the night around me, as a distraction.

I can hear crickets singing in a far-off field. They're a little out of harmony but it's a beautiful song. It almost sounds like a ballad, if I listen carefully, like a story that they're crying about but they can't do anything to change it so all they can do is lament. Or, at least, that's how I see it. I'm sure you would take a happier twist on things if you were here. You'd like it in this country.

Using that as something to start with, I start talking to you. "You and the princess here would have made friends fast," I tell you. "You remember Tomoyo, right? She was that girl we met in Piffle world, the one that knew you right away and made it seem as if you'd been friends for years. They're a lot alike, you know. That Tomoyo and this Tomoyo. Well, this one isn't quite as exuberant as the Piffle one, but it's funny to watch how mercilessly she teases Kuro-rin. Oh! That's right, I forgot to tell you. I started calling him those names again. It's not quite as fun as before because he doesn't get as annoyed as easily, but I think he likes it. It's hard to tell with Kuro-tan sometimes, though. You know him, always acting like the big tough guy."

I want to add something about Syaoran but I don't know what to say that wouldn't upset you. To tell the truth, I don't really want to talk about anyone else. Like I told you, I want this night to be just for us.

I never really found out that much about you. Did you know that? All I really know is that you are the princess of a desert country, your best friend was a boy named Syaoran and you have this… this power that no one quite knows what it is. Oh, and you can also talk to ghosts and other things that no one else really can. But that… All of those things, they don't mean much to me. I know they're important but almost anyone can find out those things just by asking around. I wanted to know _more_, all the silly little perks that friends are supposed to know. Like what food do you like; sights and sounds that make you happy; your dislikes; what you consider the best moment of your life? Anything that makes you _you_.

There's one thing I remember about you, though. I say, "Syaoran mentioned that you have an older brother back in your country. What was that like, having an older sibling?"

Of course, you don't answer.

To keep the conversation going, I tell you, "I had a brother once. His name was Fai. We were twins, actually. It was a really long time ago, though, so I don't remember as much as I should and… well…" There are more images trying to push their way into my head but I try and ignore them as best I can. "There are a lot of moments I'd rather not remember." I'm sounding somber again, aren't I? I try to sound more positive. "But I can tell you some of what I do remember. You know how people sometimes think that twins are supposed to act exactly the same. Not true. We are almost exact _opposites_, in fact. Fai was more of the quiet one. He never really wanted to do anything on his own. I was more the leader, I guess you could say. He made it a bit too easy, always following along behind me no matter how foolish my ideas were. On more than one occasion he would try and change my mind over something but his opinion always changed when I told him 'Oh, come on, what's the worst that could happen?'"

I try to laugh but it doesn't sound right. I look up to you, seeing the moon's light shining through the tree's canopy onto you. I start to think about how you were the one person I could always talk to.

I confess, "There's something I've been thinking about for a while. My brother and I… we could have easily grown to hate each other, given the circumstances. It wouldn't have been hard. After all, we had only ourselves to blame for what happened. Or so we were led to believe, anyway. It would have been so simple for him to despise me and me him. But it wasn't like that at all. Fai was the most important person to me. I loved him more than anyone else in the world and…"

I have to stop here for my throat is starting to feel too tight. It makes it hard to talk correctly.

I regain some of my composure before I finish, "And he was the same."

I wait a few minutes before I speak again. It also gives me time to think some more. I say, "It's strange, having two sides of the same memory. Memories themselves can be a strange thing sometimes, so maybe you're lucky that you don't have very many."

Once again, I want to take my words back. I don't know why I said something as stupid as that. You're not lucky. Everyone used to always say that you had wonderful good luck, but they were wrong. If you _were_ lucky than none of this would have ever happened in the first place. Instead, you would be the princess of Clow country, with your best friend by your side and all of the citizens looking on you and commenting on what a pretty, kind-hearted princess they had. Not all this.

"Fate can be cruel," I say. "But—" an idea is forming in my head that I never thought about before "—can it really be called 'fate' when someone else is playing God?"

I don't know what to say now. I hear an animal of some sort call out into the night. I don't know why I can't think of anything to say. All day, I kept telling myself, 'What can I tell her? What can I tell her?' But now that I'm here, I'm speechless. But there's still so much I want to say, so much I want to ask, even though I know you can't answer.

I start to think about how ironic it is that when I first saw you— I can't call it a meeting since you were unconscious— but when I first saw you were nothing more than the ghost of a girl that had lost her soul to other worlds. We're right back to where we started, aren't we? Your soul is gone and we don't know how to find it.

I start thinking about fate again. I have to admit, I'm almost thankful about how this one worked out. After all, one of the first things I had to do on this journey was give one of your feathers back to make sure nothing bad happened to you. But what if someone else had been chosen besides me? Would that person have had a feather to save you? I don't know, and I probably never will, but I admit that I'm glad to have met you. I just wish the circumstances could have been different.

Anxiety suddenly overcomes me and I blurt out, "What if something happens so that you forget again? Forget about us? About…" I want to say 'Forget about me', but it sounds so childish. I know it's ridiculous to have this fear, since the first time you forgot was for 'a price' and whatnot, but I worry nonetheless.

More to the ground than to you, I breathe out, "The first time… when you told him 'Who are you'… you could tell it hurt him somehow but— sorry if this upsets you— you didn't see him like I did. I know it sounds selfish but I… I don't want that to happen to me." In a softer voice, I confess, "I believe that my soul is in so many pieces right now that if I were to lose someone else, I don't know how long I'd last."

I'm being morbid again. I don't mean to, I really don't, but it's _hard_. Part of me can't help but feel that everything that's happened to you happened because of me, is somehow _my fault_. I don't want to think like that but sometimes I can't help it.

I want to tell you something that will cheer you up, not depress you. So, for you, I smile as best I can and say, "I want to promise you something. Given the extreme that you do forget, not just us but everything, like last time, I promise you that I will always look after you. If someone is trying to hurt you then I'll be there to protect you from harm. If you think there's something you can't tell anyone else then I'll always be there for you to talk to. If it seems like all you can do is cry then I'll be your shoulder to lean on. If you ever feel lonely then I'll never leave you. And if there's anything you ever want to know then I'll always tell you. Even if you want to know the sad memories, I'll always explain. And if you want to go home— just go home and forget any of this ever happened— then I'll take you there as fast as I can. Because it'll be what you want."

I admit that I'm a little surprised. You must think I was working all day on that but I just thought it up right now.

I state what I've basically been saying all along, which is, "I miss you." I do, so much that it nearly hurts. I mean, it's _almost_ like you're here, but yet you're not. It's more like someone made a doll in your likeness. It is as perfect as perfect can be, as far as dolls go, but that's just it. It's just a doll and nothing more. It doesn't have a heart or thoughts or emotions or a voice.

Most important, a doll can't smile.

Let's say I put my head back and look up to the sky and see a shooting star go by. Do you know what my wish would be? To have you beside me again. More than anything I want to have you sitting beside me on this night, to feel the warmth of your arm against mine as we sit close to one another. I can imagine it perfectly. You'd be here, the moonlight shining in your hair, the stars of heaven mirrored in your eyes as you took it all in. You could always see beauty in things everyone else overlooked. You'd turn your head this way and that to make sure you'd see everything, like the way the buildings here look, the way the grass sways in the wind, and multiple other things that I would have never noticed otherwise if you didn't point them out. You'd look at everything and then you would smile. I never told you this but you had the most magnificent smile. It was like— how can I explain this? It was like, when you smiled, every bad thing in the world— every ghost, every demon, every lost soul, anyone that's ever been hurt— all of that just… disappeared so that all that was left was everything good. I can see you now, lifting your hand up to the darkened skies and framing the pearl shape of the moon in your fingers. You would do that, I'm sure, and you would always remember.

Without realizing it, I've lifted my own hand against the moon. I was so caught up in my imaginings that I didn't notice. Slowly, I lower my hand and hold it close to my heart. I can feel the steady rhythm beating in my chest. For some reason, it makes me think about how short life can be.

Another thought comes to me. I tell you, "Say something happens tomorrow. I'm not implying that anything will, it's only a hypothetical question. But if something _were_ to happen, and my heart about to stop, the first thing I'd try to do, the very first thing, would be to try and help you. I guess I should reword that to saying one of the last things I would ever do would be to revive you. No, now it sounds like I _don't _want that to happen." _God_, this is hard. I sum it up to, "I'd help you. It'll be like the other side of the coin to the promise I made earlier. No matter what, I will always look after you. Even if you don't _know_ I am." I have the feeling I'm not making any sense. I keep talking anyway. "Because, if something happened, I know it would all be worth it if you woke up. But please don't mourn me if you do. Smile instead. For them. I wouldn't want you to be sad over my promise. So please smile and make everyone else happy."

I want to end off with something a bit more… I don't know, _climatic_, I guess, but I can't think of anything so I leave it at that.

I notice that the eastern sky is starting to brighten. Have I really been talking that long? I try to remember if anyone ever mentioned the sun rising early here but I can't recall. I very much hope so or else I'm certainly going to be exhausted today. Not that I didn't enjoy talking to you tonight, I didn't really mean it to sound like that. But I do hope I can at least catch an hour or two of sleep.

I'm rambling now, aren't I? I apologize for that. I must be more tired than I thought.

The sky is turning grayer as I speak. For some reason I can't help but observe that it rises behind you but in front of me. Shadows are starting to become more definite. Soon a new day will begin. I'm a little wary, since I don't know what will happen next. No one really does. It'd be nice if we could be given some sort of hint, though, so we wouldn't be caught as unaware.

All of a sudden, something pounces on my head, knocking me forward a little, and I hear Mokona's familiar voice shouting, "Midnight surprise!" He holds onto my hair as he tries to lean down and see my startled expression. He laughs, "I scared you, I scared you," like a little kid.

To say that didn't frighten me for just a second would be a lie. I can definitely feel my heart racing now, even without my hand there. I've got so much adrenaline going through me now that I doubt I'll ever get to sleep. Even so, I try to give a cheerful, "Boo to you, too." I think my voice cracked on one of the words but I don't know why it would.

Mokona looks very worried for some reason. He asks me in a very concerned voice, "Fay, what's wrong? You're crying."

I'm taken back by this and at first think that maybe it's just a trick of the moonlight on his part. But when I rub my sleeve over my eyes— or _eye_, I guess I should say— it comes back wet. It's strange that I never realized until now.

All I say at first is a quiet "Oh." To tell the truth, I'm more than a bit embarrassed. I add in the same tone, "I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."

Mokona is looking down at me with possibly the deepest sympathy I've ever seen. It's interesting, isn't it, that a creature like him can have such open emotions? After a second or two, he sits back on the top of my head and I hear him say, "Mokona likes it when Fay smiles. _Really_ smiles. If Fay smiled more often than it would make everybody happy. Especially…"

I nod my head, almost knocking him off my head in the process. I didn't really mean to interrupt him. It's just that I knew what he was going to say.

For a while, we sit silently, lost in our own thoughts. I have the feeling that we're thinking about the same thing. We all really miss you and want you back with us again.

After a few minutes, I feel Mokona hop off my head and I look over my shoulder to see him heading back inside. Halfway there, he turns around and asks me if I'm coming. I tell him I'll be just a few more minutes. He seems content with that and I turn my attention back to you for the time being.

It's only when I hear the door slide shut that I stand up. I almost fall down again right after. I'm a bit stiff from having sat down for such a long period of time. I stretch my legs a second before I walk up to the tree that guards you. I rest my hand on its trunk and run my fingers along it. It feels gnarled and aged, and I can feel deep crevices in the bark. I feel assured, though, because I can tell that this tree has survived many a hardship and will probably survive many more. It's a good tree to protect you.

I look up to you and try and give you my best smile, but I worry it may look more melancholy than anything. But I want to make you happy, I really do.

I swear an oath on that tree. Even just seconds afterwards I can't recall if I said it aloud or if I just thought it to myself, but I swore it nonetheless.

This is what I vowed: "I will keep my promise to you. No matter what."

That's all I had to say. I figure that it was enough. There aren't enough words in the world, in _all _the worlds to express how much I care for you. My hand drops from the tree and I turn to go inside.

Mokona has left the door slightly ajar for me. I find this oddly heart-warming. I'm about to open it but, instead, I find myself looking back to you.

Wrapped in garments of silk and suspended in the branches of a tree, with the sun rising in the eastern sky, you look like a goddess waiting to be saved. You probably wouldn't like me saying that because you never liked having to just wait for something. You always wanted to help.

You look very beautiful tonight. I don't know if I told you that yet but you do. But you'd look so much more beautiful if you smiled.

To the crickets in the far-off field, to the moon and the stars in the sky, to the sun that rises behind you but in front of me, to anyone that's ever been hurt by fate and, of course, to you, I say, "Goodnight, Sakura."

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A/N: Well, what did you think? I was a little nervous about writing this fanfic, if you really want to know, but I did it anyway! And, wow, almost 4,000 words on this one (that's not including author's notes). To be honest, I wish this were a little longer. It just seems too _short_ to me. I wanted it to be so much longer, like really deep and all. But I guess I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. It was a bit of a challenge to write out a story through Fay's POV but I think I did pretty well, considering what an enigmatic character he is.

Oh, speaking of him, I may as well explain why I started this in the first place. Well, ever since the Tokyo arc, I've had the greatest urge to write out a scene sort of through Fay's eyes, not only because he's my favorite character _ever_ but because you never really got to see how he thinks so I thought it would be, like I already said, _challenging_. Not to mention that I thought I should point out some stuff that's been on my mind before CLAMP beat me to it. I've already lost one fic idea to that. Oh, well.

Did you notice how I spelled Fay's names two different ways? Fai and Fay? (If not, I bet you just scrolled up to see, didn't you?) The explanation is simple: that's how I differentiate between the Fay we know of and, you know, the _real_ Fay. Kinda like saying C.Syaoran, ya know?

Have you also been wondering about those two stanzas at the start of the fic? As mentioned in the disclaimer, that would be from Skillet's song 'Rebirthing.' I always thought those lines kind of suited Fay and Sakura's relationship, especially since it's sung by a man and a woman. I always imagined the two of them saying those words to one another. The normal font would be Fay talking to Sakura, the italicized Sakura talking to Fay and the bold/italicized would be the both of them. A little dorky, I know, but I couldn't resist.

Another thing to point out would be this line: "You know how people sometimes think that twins are supposed to act exactly the same. Not true." This is speaking from experience. I actually am a twin, identical to be precise. So you could imagine the total spazz moment I had when I found out _that_ little bit of information. But, to get to the point, being a twin can have its disadvantages, even if it isn't to such an extreme as what happened in Tsubasa. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time someone came up to my sister and me and asked "Are you guys twins?", well… Well, I don't know how many nickels I would have. I mean, it's a perfectly understandable question, but you hear something enough times you eventually get sick of it. Do you know someone actually once asked me if we could read each other's thoughts?

Anyway, silly rant aside, the point I'm trying to make is that I kind of got the feeling that the twins were very much like my sister and me. I'm without a doubt the bossy controlling one while my sister is more… well, sorry to be mean, sis, but she's a bit of a doormat. But she's also more responsible than me and actually studies for tests while I sit back and complain about studying rather than actually doing it. You think I would have learned to follow her example but I never do. (I usually do better on tests anyway. What's up with that?)

Another thing I feel I should point out is that the last line is the one and only time that Sakura's name is mentioned in the story. My beloved sis missed that the first time and, I admit, I was more than a little annoyed. That was my big ender! Like, you know who's talking and who he's talking to but her name was never said until that moment. I was so proud of that line.

Um… I guess that's really it. If you notice any mistakes please point them out to me and I'll fix 'em up. First drafts are never squeaky clean, you know. I did have my sister proof-read this for me but some things may still be missed. (I actually made my sister cry, too. How amazing is that?)

Thank you to everyone who reads and please review to tell me what you think.


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